cameclosest | TLV IC INBOX

[Varker is attempting to speak clearly, but there is a definite lisp as he trips over his own teeth.]

You've reached Dr. Varker. As a note, yes I do accept bribes in exchange for good behavior.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

pharadyne

Of course you are, Dr. "Sad, Sober, and Alone."

From:

cameclosest

Isn't that my usual? I don't see why we need to talk about it.

[Though now that his bottle is empty he frowns at it, letting it fall to the floor harmlessly and glance towards the liquor cabinet.]

In fact, we should celebrate how normal this morning is, me being sad, sober and alone, and you, an emotionally dysfunctional dumb bitch, with a glass of that bourbon I can't have.

Grab us a glass would you?

From:

pharadyne

Honey, you're hardly ever sober. Don't think I don't notice.

[But. He gets up to get Varker a glass and pours a few fingers of bourbon in it. If one can't be completely blotto on New Year's, when can one?]

During the last flood, Neal asked to come live with me in 1955. I'm very fond of him, too. [Which means he can't decide whether he should say yes or break up with Neal also. Having feelings is very challenging.]

From:

cameclosest

Weren't we having fun pretending I was though? In any case now that Sam's gone I dont have any reason to be sober so its good youre used to it.

[He didn't think Norton actually would, peaking over the arm of the settee as he pours. Maybe he should be a dick to Norton after his break ups more often.]

I met Neal, he's also probably too good for you. Wild that he would want to leave a modern world and exchange it for 1955. I think I'd rather eat my own fucking hands, personally.

But, you're probably already formulating a plan to let him down, I'm sure. What a good example of clean, healthy living and sane choices you are, Folgate.

You could probably have both of them and you would find some reason to ruin it knowing you.

Edited Date: 2026-01-07 06:07 am (UTC)

From:

pharadyne

No one's ever accused me of clean living.

[He says as he hands Varker the glass of booze.]

Speaking of which, you do drink too much. You've become a drunkard.

[He flops back down in his chair.]

They're both too good for me, if we're to be honest. I could have two devastatingly handsome geniuses who are, perplexingly, also genuinely good men. And I don't know what to do with that.

From:

cameclosest

Become? [He asks, taking the glass and at least having the sense to savor the smell of it first as he lets his head hang back against the arm of the chair.]

You'd fair no different in my shoes, Folgate. [Especially after his discovery last night, though he could probably blame some of it on his excessive drinking. He takes a sip from his glass before sucking in a deep breath and closing his eyes.

He's trying not to think about it.]

What you do is take both home with you for however long is lasts, just as you have already been doing, and say fuck it to the potentially horrible ending that is somewhere off in the future.

It'll bite future Norton in the ass. Seems like a you solution to me, anyways.

From:

pharadyne

I drink for fun. Not for...whatever this is. [He flips his hand loosely in Varker's directly.]

Are you saying I should charge forth pretending the problem isn't there in the hope if I pretend hard enough it will go away?

[It is a very appealing solution when the problem is his own fears of a possible but largely hypothetical terrible outcome. Malcolm would probably say he should try therapy instead, but he likes Varker's idea better.]

From:

cameclosest

Norton, It would be more believable that you are a fucking virgin than you not knowing what loneliness looks like.

[Tell him he's wrong.

But, he sees that Norton has caught on.]

You might have to occasionally talk about it, but that doesn't mean you cant continue pretending it doesnt exist inbetween those talks.

From:

pharadyne

I don't drink to alleviate loneliness, either. Liquor won't tell me I'm gorgeous and charver me over the back of the sofa.

Speaking of talking about it...are you going to tell me what happened yet?

From:

cameclosest

Good for you. [He shrinks into the settee a little more and glares down into his glass.

It would seem as if he was ignoring the question, he's quiet enough for it, but then he breaks the silence quietly.]

I...might have told Oscar to take me back to his last night.

[Its not he's embarrassed about it, he likes the idea that he could still pull as good as he used to back in college, but getting there was half the battle now it seemed. The other half had to do with self image rather than confidence.]

Which went smoothly enough until I started feeling like a stranger in my own skin. And- [The last bit is mumbled into his cup, entirely unintelligible.]

From:

pharadyne

[Norton sits up a little more in attention at the news that Father Oscar took Varker home with him last night.]

Sorry, didn't hear that last bit. What was that?

From:

cameclosest

[Varker glances up and gives Norton a dirty look as if he hadn't been listening rather than what he'd said been impossible to hear.]

Nevermind, Folgate. We don't have to talk about it.

Oscar's cabin has been sweeped clean of anything worth drinking, so I came back early. The end.

From:

pharadyne

Weren't you just now encouraging me to occasionally talk about things, darling?

Did the priest fuck you or not, and, more importantly, did he take advantage of you because I have some stabbing to do if he did.

From:

cameclosest

Talking to your partner about whether you actually fucking like them or not, yes. This is entirely different.

[Varker swallows the rest of his glass in one, setting it down on the side table and curling up with his back to Norton. He's still talking, but its softer, hesitant.]

He's- He- [Varker swears under his breath before shouting at the couch back.]

He didn't, because I couldn't get it up, alright? Are you happy now, Folgate?

From:

pharadyne

I mean...in my experience the latter doesn't always mean the former doesn't happen. I am happy he didn't take advantage of you though. He seems a nice man and I'd hate to have to stab him. Although if I were stabbing him, it would be because he isn't actually a nice man.

[Norton stands up from his chair and moves to the settee to sit on the floor in front of it with his back leaning against it.]

I think if you wanted to try it again you should go slow, and if it takes a couple tries to get there, so be it. If he's too impatient for that, we're back to me stabbing him.

From:

cameclosest

It's not Oscar's fault.

[He'd been gorgeous, laying there. Been far sweeter than Varker was used to, enough that he'd teased him about it a few times during.

Varker raises his arm, fingers spread wide toward the ceiling and glares at it.]

He'd touch me, and it was fine until he'd touch the parts that are wrong. I felt like I wanted to rip right out of my skin, it was...overstimulating in the worst way.

I haven't even- [His arm drops back onto the settee, sighing. If he was talking to Folgate about it he supposes he should confess all of it.] I cant even stand touching myself let alone someone else doing it.

From:

pharadyne

Are you telling me you haven't wanked once since your transformation? [For Norton, who gets off one way or another almost every day, the notion is extraordinary.]

Is it...[He pauses as he thinks how to phrase it.]...physical sensitivity or mental discomfort? Or both?

From:

cameclosest

[Varker slowly peeks over his shoulder at Norton with his eyes scrunched and squinting.]

Some how you manage to be five years old and ancient at the same time. It's a skill, I think, your level of idiocy.

yes, the answer is yes, for all of it. Yes, I haven't fucking wanked. [And it's important to note that he is mocking his accent when he repeats it]

Yes it's physical, and yes it's mental, and I can't even ask you to fix it because I don't even know if it would feel like me anymore if you did.

Edited Date: 2026-01-13 05:10 am (UTC)

From:

pharadyne

Considering what happened last night, I'm guessing you'd like it to not be this way, and therefore I'm considering it an important quality of life issue.

[If someone just doesn't want to have sex that's fine, but if someone wants to have sex and can't because of specific problems that is tragedy that must be resolved, in Norton's opinion.]

If the problem is feeling a stranger in your own body, perhaps working on slowly gaining familiarity might help. Like men who were badly injured in the war getting used to the ways they'd changed. Scars and missing limbs and that sort of thing.

From:

cameclosest

Be careful Norton, that sounds like you're recommending me therapy.

Which I would be open to, but my therapist was fucking dismissed by our gracious host without telling a god damn soul. [His head whips back to glaring at the cushion.]

Nothing can be easy, can it? I can't just have anything, anymore, I have to work for it, or on it, and I hate it.

From:

pharadyne

I would never. [Recommend therapy, that is.]

I hate having to work for things, too, but I sadly learned that not everyone can drift upward merely on the basis of family and school chums.

I imagine you've also worked for things before. It shouldn't be all that unfamiliar.

From:

cameclosest

[He grumps on the settee, not exactly wanting to admit it but why not kick himself while he's down?]

Well of course I fucking did, I built a fucking empire! But I'm not exactly in my twenties any more and I hate more things than I can tolerate.

Not to mention everything fucking hurts all the time, and all it does is serve as a reminder to me that I'm not dead, which would be both worse and better at the same time. [He doesnt want to be a liar but the setbacks and inconveniences are rather a lot and he'd like for them to stop jump scaring him every time he makes some god damn progress.]

From:

pharadyne

Well, you have a few options regarding the current specific issue. You can work toward learning your new body and becoming more comfortable with it. Or you can fuck the priest anyway and just get creative about it with regards to touching and such. Or you can be celibate indefinitely.

I'd choose option one, but that's just me.

Although I'd likely do option two as well, while implementing option one.

From:

cameclosest

[Varker sighs, knowing thats probably what hes going to have to do, but he feels the need to clarify.]

I dont have to fuck the priest. I mean, it would be fun, and I like him well enough that I tried to in the first place, but that wasnt the point.

[And no, he'd rather not be sexless and celebate the rest of his life, but he doubts he has to say so, Norton wouldn't assume he would anyways.]

He wanted to touch me, as a friend, as a lover, which ever one he could have was good enough for him, and I miss that... [He in their happy three hadnt ever shied away from physical contact even before he'd started seeing Steward. Even when things had made a turn for the depressing and they avoided each other, they'd still touched when they talked.]

Everything else is shit, I don't have to be miserably lonely on top of it, or at least I thought so until I tried to fix it and had a fucking fit in my god damn underwear.

[He rubs his face with a hand, glancing over his shoulder.]

If you get me another drink I'll think about option one. [He doesnt need another drink but hes fucking tired and upset and doesnt much care about need over want at the moment.]