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[cameclosest]

[Varker is attempting to speak clearly, but there is a definite lisp as he trips over his own teeth.]

You've reached Dr. Varker. As a note, yes I do accept bribes in exchange for good behavior.

Comments

[cameclosest]

Talking to your partner about whether you actually fucking like them or not, yes. This is entirely different.

[Varker swallows the rest of his glass in one, setting it down on the side table and curling up with his back to Norton. He's still talking, but its softer, hesitant.]

He's- He- [Varker swears under his breath before shouting at the couch back.]

He didn't, because I couldn't get it up, alright? Are you happy now, Folgate?

[pharadyne]

I mean...in my experience the latter doesn't always mean the former doesn't happen. I am happy he didn't take advantage of you though. He seems a nice man and I'd hate to have to stab him. Although if I were stabbing him, it would be because he isn't actually a nice man.

[Norton stands up from his chair and moves to the settee to sit on the floor in front of it with his back leaning against it.]

I think if you wanted to try it again you should go slow, and if it takes a couple tries to get there, so be it. If he's too impatient for that, we're back to me stabbing him.

[cameclosest]

It's not Oscar's fault.

[He'd been gorgeous, laying there. Been far sweeter than Varker was used to, enough that he'd teased him about it a few times during.

Varker raises his arm, fingers spread wide toward the ceiling and glares at it.]

He'd touch me, and it was fine until he'd touch the parts that are wrong. I felt like I wanted to rip right out of my skin, it was...overstimulating in the worst way.

I haven't even- [His arm drops back onto the settee, sighing. If he was talking to Folgate about it he supposes he should confess all of it.] I cant even stand touching myself let alone someone else doing it.

[pharadyne]

Are you telling me you haven't wanked once since your transformation? [For Norton, who gets off one way or another almost every day, the notion is extraordinary.]

Is it...[He pauses as he thinks how to phrase it.]...physical sensitivity or mental discomfort? Or both?

[cameclosest]

[Varker slowly peeks over his shoulder at Norton with his eyes scrunched and squinting.]

Some how you manage to be five years old and ancient at the same time. It's a skill, I think, your level of idiocy.

yes, the answer is yes, for all of it. Yes, I haven't fucking wanked. [And it's important to note that he is mocking his accent when he repeats it]

Yes it's physical, and yes it's mental, and I can't even ask you to fix it because I don't even know if it would feel like me anymore if you did.

[pharadyne]

Considering what happened last night, I'm guessing you'd like it to not be this way, and therefore I'm considering it an important quality of life issue.

[If someone just doesn't want to have sex that's fine, but if someone wants to have sex and can't because of specific problems that is tragedy that must be resolved, in Norton's opinion.]

If the problem is feeling a stranger in your own body, perhaps working on slowly gaining familiarity might help. Like men who were badly injured in the war getting used to the ways they'd changed. Scars and missing limbs and that sort of thing.

[cameclosest]

Be careful Norton, that sounds like you're recommending me therapy.

Which I would be open to, but my therapist was fucking dismissed by our gracious host without telling a god damn soul. [His head whips back to glaring at the cushion.]

Nothing can be easy, can it? I can't just have anything, anymore, I have to work for it, or on it, and I hate it.

[pharadyne]

I would never. [Recommend therapy, that is.]

I hate having to work for things, too, but I sadly learned that not everyone can drift upward merely on the basis of family and school chums.

I imagine you've also worked for things before. It shouldn't be all that unfamiliar.

[cameclosest]

[He grumps on the settee, not exactly wanting to admit it but why not kick himself while he's down?]

Well of course I fucking did, I built a fucking empire! But I'm not exactly in my twenties any more and I hate more things than I can tolerate.

Not to mention everything fucking hurts all the time, and all it does is serve as a reminder to me that I'm not dead, which would be both worse and better at the same time. [He doesnt want to be a liar but the setbacks and inconveniences are rather a lot and he'd like for them to stop jump scaring him every time he makes some god damn progress.]

[pharadyne]

Well, you have a few options regarding the current specific issue. You can work toward learning your new body and becoming more comfortable with it. Or you can fuck the priest anyway and just get creative about it with regards to touching and such. Or you can be celibate indefinitely.

I'd choose option one, but that's just me.

Although I'd likely do option two as well, while implementing option one.

[cameclosest]

[Varker sighs, knowing thats probably what hes going to have to do, but he feels the need to clarify.]

I dont have to fuck the priest. I mean, it would be fun, and I like him well enough that I tried to in the first place, but that wasnt the point.

[And no, he'd rather not be sexless and celebate the rest of his life, but he doubts he has to say so, Norton wouldn't assume he would anyways.]

He wanted to touch me, as a friend, as a lover, which ever one he could have was good enough for him, and I miss that... [He in their happy three hadnt ever shied away from physical contact even before he'd started seeing Steward. Even when things had made a turn for the depressing and they avoided each other, they'd still touched when they talked.]

Everything else is shit, I don't have to be miserably lonely on top of it, or at least I thought so until I tried to fix it and had a fucking fit in my god damn underwear.

[He rubs his face with a hand, glancing over his shoulder.]

If you get me another drink I'll think about option one. [He doesnt need another drink but hes fucking tired and upset and doesnt much care about need over want at the moment.]