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[cameclosest]

[Varker is attempting to speak clearly, but there is a definite lisp as he trips over his own teeth.]

You've reached Dr. Varker. As a note, yes I do accept bribes in exchange for good behavior.

Comments

[weirdnecro]

Well, he needs the stroke to his ego. Or else he might wilt.

[She doesn't really care about seeing Norton naked because...he's Norton. She's not interested in him that way.

But she's glad to see Varker. He's not dressed up either. It helps. She nods, and touches his arm, before moving towards the Memorial Room.

For some reason, she's serious today.]

[cameclosest]

[He doesn't seem bothered by it like he might usually be, catching her arm before she pulls it away and looping it in his.

She asked for someone to come with her, he can do that. Properly, and without protest.

And when he opens the door, his own shoulders relax when the gentle scent of Steward's candle hits his nose and tongue, and he walks inside with her.]

[weirdnecro]

[She glances up at him, and her face relaxes. And in they go.

There's the odd candle of bared wire with rebar and smelling of a world she left behind; coin lockers and flowers. But what she picks up is the incense holder and incense, keeping a hand on Varker.]

Today, I want to mourn the Narrenschiff. I'm the last escapee left on board.

[cameclosest]

[He's heard mention of it, but the other vessel had been before his time. He glances down at her, doesn't move to sit quite yet. Not when she's still holding onto him.

But he does somewhat understand how that feels. He was one of three survivors, probably the only one left alive from the original group when Varika was founded outside of Simon, and even then he's started to understand that Simon had died years ago.]

Why is it being apart feels like being left behind when we're the ones who have options, Mm?

[weirdnecro]

[Sokie let's him go, so she can set the incense alight in its holder.

In contrast to the candle, it is a sweet, clean scent, smelling of citrus.]

Oh it feels absolutely like I'm left behind. There were people who tried to hide on here. And I tried to help before hiding myself.

[She knelt on the carpet, started to prostrate herself, before starting to stand and...knelt again, rubbing her hands against her face.]

I haven't tried to do that in centuries...I'm really off my game.

[cameclosest]

[Varker can't imagine trying to stay on this boat, but if there was another less comfortable one to flee from, he supposes that makes sense.

He watches her, doesn't comment on it even if it does make him curious as to what sort of religious practice that might have been ritual in, but he does pat her shoulder.]

Everyone slips sometimes, doesn't matter how old you are. We fall back on comfort, or familiarity. I haven't smoked in sixteen years and I've been bumming cigarettes off Sheehan when it's bad.

[weirdnecro]

Sheehan is great about helping with cigarettes.

I just haven't been practicing since I left home awhile back.

[She took in a deep breath, sitting back on her heels.]

Anyway. I'm not sure what to do against an entity like the Cap'n on the Narrenschiff.

[cameclosest]

Don't look at me, I don't fight entities.

[Varker feels like it must be similar to looking at his mess and trying to figure out how to fix it when you have feelings stuck in every little corner that sticks you like brambles when you least expect it. Except the brambles are a literal being that can shape time and space and is essentially untouchable.]

Much like trying to fight the Admiral, that sounds like a fools errand.

[weirdnecro]

Do you even punch dudes?

[It's a little mean but her voice is tired. More like she knows she's helpless here.

She's tangled in the brambles and her hands are tied.]

With the Barge not being part of the fleet, we can't catch the bastard and crack him open like a crab.

So, they're lost. I don't like being only able to mourn them. That's...why I asked you here today. In part.

[cameclosest]

Bitch, don't even start with me.

[He grumbles it at her, but really there isn't much bite behind it. He knows what he's capable of, and at the moment fighting a literal god-alien thing isn't one of them.]

I assume they found us somehow.

If you want to hunt it down, there are options. [But, he crosses his arms, looking down at her.]

So what would you have me do then?

[weirdnecro]

Eat me, chemist.

[Again, no bite, all tired. But she looks up at him with dulled green eyes.]

It was an opportunity, I think. I could, given the right device, send out a signal that the other ships could pick up, mimicking radio signals.

But really, I just wanted you to sit with me. I'm...trying to be better with just.

Not doing things. Not needing to...fix everything.

[cameclosest]

Audrey would, but you'd taste terrible.

[He sniffs, pretending to be offended, but really he understands.

And yet at the same time feels slightly offended by it, that he is the person to help her let go.]

And because I sat and watched my life go to hell for years, you're assuming im the right person to help you with this.

[He sounds like he wants this to be a fight and yet doesn’t, taking in a breath and running a hand through his hair.]

There's a difference I think, between need and want when it comes to things that can change or be fixed.

I dont think what you need is to be okay with doing nothing, but rather reframe and readjust your own expectations for yourself.

[weirdnecro]

She's a baby. She'd lick coins if you let her.

[She huffs a little, but she's glad that they can pretend fight and...well. Not hold it against each other. She glanced at him, sidelong, and shook her head.]

I thought you'd understand loss, personally, whether it was over time or all at once. Because I experienced both when I left that ship.

[She sighs, and laces her fingers together, staring at the incense smoking.]

But could you explain the reframing and readjusting I should be doing? I'm sure Arthur has tried to say it to me but...sometimes, it's difficult to apply it to general situations.

[cameclosest]

Yes, well Arthur has the unique ability of blurting out bullshit in the least tactful way too, so. Lets see how I do comparatively.

[He thinks Arthur is probably good for her, but that man has some problems that he doesn't seem to be working on at all. Frustrating for the rest of the world around him.]

In any case, for me, I have been feeling rather stuck, thinking that if I'm the only one left, the weight of change is solely on me, and I'm useless on my own. I know my strengths, recognize them. But now that I've been whining about it for six months, where am I? Exactly where I started.

If...If I start thinking about solutions that don't just involve me, if I can look past the problem, think of what is possible, I add more than myself to the equation, right? It becomes more than just weight, it becomes a puzzle. And solving it can be a group effort. I...Don't know, I'm not speaking in specifics here, but it makes sense, right? To take a step back, take a walk around it to see the different angles?

[weirdnecro]

Arthur can be rather compassionate, but can get in his own way. Especially when he thinks he's right.

[Arthur can be good for her but...well. Sometimes he frustrates her greatly.]

But no that...does make sense. It makes a lot of sense, in making the situation a puzzle. Especially when I'm used to thinking of myself as the only playable piece of the puzzle. Mm.

[She sat back, folding her arms under her chest. Hm.]

I wonder if that's how I should think of it for now. Not this problem- I don't think I can do anything without endangering everyone involved- but other ones. Hm.

Is that what you mean, in not being...part of solving it, exactly?